1. I told my wife she should embrace her mistakes. She gave me a hug.
2. What do you call a fish wearing a crown? A kingfish.
3. Did you hear about the cheese factory explosion? There was nothing left but de-brie.
4. Why did the scarecrow win an award? Because he was outstanding in his field.
5. Parallel lines have so much in common. It’s a shame they'll never meet.
6. I used to play piano by ear, but now I use my hands and fingers.
7. What's orange and sounds like a parrot? A carrot.
8. How do you organize a space party? You planet.
9. Why did the math book look sad? Because it had too many problems.
10. Why did the bicycle fall over? Because it was two-tired.
11. Why don't scientists trust atoms? Because they make up everything!
12. Why don't seagulls fly over the bay? Because then they’d be bagels.
13. I'm reading a book on anti-gravity. It's impossible to put down.
14. I only know 25 letters of the alphabet. I don't know y.
15. How do you catch a squirrel? Climb a tree and act like a nut!
16. What's brown and sticky? A stick.
17. I'm on a whiskey diet. I've lost three days already.
18. Why did the tomato turn red? Because it saw the salad dressing!
19. Why don't skeletons fight each other? They don't have the guts.
20. I asked the librarian if the library had any books on paranoia. She whispered, "They're right behind you!"
21. Why did the tomato turn red? Because it saw the salad dressing!
22. Why don't scientists trust atoms? Because they make up everything!
23. I only know a dad joke. It’s a real father figure.
24. How does a penguin build its house? Igloos it together.
25. I'm reading a book about anti-gravity. It's impossible to put down.
26. I used to be a baker because I kneaded dough.
27. What did the ocean say to the shore? Nothing, it just waved.
28. What do you call a bear with no teeth? A gummy bear.
29. Why did the bicycle fall over? Because it was two-tired.
30. Why don't scientists trust atoms? Because they make up everything!
31. Did you hear about the cheese factory explosion? There was nothing left but de-brie.
32. What did the janitor say when he jumped out of the closet? Supplies!
33. Why did the scarecrow win an award? Because he was outstanding in his field.
34. What do you call a fish wearing a crown? A kingfish.
35. Why don't seagulls fly over the bay? Because then they’d be bagels.
36. How do you organize a space party? You planet.
37. I'm reading a book about anti-gravity. It's impossible to put down.
38. Why did the scarecrow win an award? Because he was outstanding in his field.
39. Why couldn't the bicycle stand up by itself? It was two-tired.
40. How do you organize a space party? You planet.
41. Did you hear about the mathematician who’s afraid of negative numbers? He will stop at nothing to avoid them.
42. Why do seagulls fly over the ocean? Because if they flew over the bay, they'd be bagels.
43. What did one wall say to the other wall? "I'll meet you at the corner."
44. Why did the math book look sad? Because it had too many problems.
45. How do you catch a squirrel? Climb a tree and act like a nut!
46. I told my wife she should embrace her mistakes. She gave me a hug.
47. Why don't skeletons fight each other? They don't have the guts.
48. What’s brown and sticky? A stick.
49. Did you hear about the cheese factory explosion? There was nothing left but de-brie.
50. How does a penguin build its house? Igloos it together.
